Grief: How to Grieve the Loss of a Romantic Relationship?

So How do we Grieve the loss of a romantic relationship exactly? 

To be quite honest there is no easy nor precise answer and process to this depressing and unwanted experience. 

Let's first have a quick review of the definition of grief. Grief is the experience of feelings, emotions and thoughts and even physical implications of  deep sorrow, sadness, anguish, misery, agony, distress, affliction, heartache, despair, disappointment, lamentation, and pain as a result of a significant loss of a person(s), event, transition and or possession. *Feel free to check out further definitions/meaning of Grief from Google search, Oxford language, Merriam-Webster Dictionary, Dictionary.com, and American Psychological Association. 

According to 'health.com/stages-of-grief' reports to 7 Stages of grief (Gordon, 2023) as listed below.

1) Shock

2) Denial

3) Anger

4) Bargaining

5) Depression

6) Testing

7) Acceptance

*Stating the obvious here, if you are reading this blog you may be experiencing at least one of the stages of grief above.  You may be wanting help and support with navigating this experience. When it comes to grieving the Loss of a Romantic Relationship, you are missing the sweet kisses, hand holding, hugs, cuddling, walks, talks about everything and nothing. You may be experiencing the loss of the quality time once spent with this person. You may be feeling confused and triggered when seeing objects that was once gifted to you from your former significant partner or noticing random objects that just remind of you of your Ex.  You may be experiencing the loss of having the emotional support and intimate connection. *Disclaimer, intimate connection doesn't always mean sexual practices.*     You may miss being able to tell your whole world at any given time with  this former person that you once believed you will be with forever. Either the ending of the relationship was a complete surprise to you or you knew days, weeks, or months in advance  the relationship was soon heading to an end, it's still a dreadful experience. The experience of grieving the loss of a Romantic Relationship can  hurt extremely  mentally, emotionally, physically, socially and even spiritually, financially, and legally depending on the closeness of this relationship. We are Human and we have to allow our minds and bodies to process this loss so we can heal and continue living the life we are destined for.

*How to Properly Grieve the Loss of a Romantic Relationship in  Sensible and Healthy ways?

1) Give Yourself the needed Time & Space to Process the event of the ended relationship. This means giving yourself some time alone to 'Talk it out' on what happened. Sometimes we need to hear what's in our head out loud with NO judgment and criticism. Give yourself time to  Recognize and be Honest with your role & responsibility throughout the relationship. Give yourself a few hours to just process this event. Take a mental & emotional day(s) off of work if needed to mourn this loss. 

2) JOURNAL. Continue to use step 1 to your advantage, add some writing to help you process. What can be helpful is write about the good and bad times of the relationship. Write about the ending of the relationship and why does it hurt so deeply. Take note of what attracted you to your Ex at the beginning and throughout the relationship. Take note of the  foundation of the relationship and what you miss the most from the relationship. Write about events, things, dreams and goals you  look forward to in the future without your Ex. Because you are still a Wonderful Human being with an identity outside of a romantic relationship. 

3) CRY it Out. It's OKAY to Cry. Crying can be a sign of Release and Healing. It's best to cry  out your feelings, emotions, and thoughts, rather than to keep it Suppressed and avoiding the emotions and feelings. To read & research the benefits of crying, go online to www.health.harvard.edu/blog/is-crying-good-for-you-2021030122020 (Newhouse, 2021) and www.webmd.com/balance/features/is-crying-good-for-you#1 (Govender). 

4) GO TO THERAPY. You need a 3rd party,  unbiased, non-judgmental, and clinical mental health professional that will help you process the stages of grief with all of the many other things you may be dealing with concerning your holistic health from the past and present. We know you are a Great, Intelligent and Independent Adult BUT you were not created to Do Everything Alone. It's Okay to seek out Professional Help for your Mental and Emotional well-being. Now in 2023 and 2024 Therapy is so Convenient. You can go see your Therapist in-person in a office space or in the comfort of your own home via Telehealth. The Choice is yours. There are several platforms and search engines to search for a therapist. And you have the options of using insurance if you have it or self-pay. These days you have options, meaning you have no excuse.  Feel free to check out my Profile page with how to contact me for therapy. If I am unable to provide therapy services to you I will be glad to help you search for a great therapist for your needs. Please don't believe the the toxic thought that you should handle grief completely Alone. There is time and space to work out things alone of course but there is also Good support out here for you!

5) SOCIAL SUPPORT. This is a Great time to take inventory on your Social Support. This may include family, friends, church family, work colleague friends, and neighbors. Your Therapist shouldn't be the only person you are talking to. We are Human and  were created for Human/Social Interaction, it's literally in our DNA. We are not meant to do life alone. You may have to be the 1 to initiate and actually schedule  meetups, coffee dates, breakfast, brunch, lunch, or dinner gatherings, and Game nights. Go hangout in your local city or town with your social support. Have a movie night. Get connected with groups at your local church. Join a support group or a local community service group. Take a trip with some people from your social supports. 

6) SELF-CARE. Don't slack on your Self-care just because you are no longer in this former romantic relationship. You still have a Fabulous life to Live! Don't slack on your personal hygiene. Feel free to stock up on your favorite or new body washes,  skincare and even hair  products. Get that manicure and pedicure. Treat yourself to  a massage and facial. You only get blessed with 1 life and 1 body to live it in. So you better take Good care of you! Schedule your doctor's appointment for a yearly physical and or dentist appt or any other specialist you may need to see. Let's start exercising if you are not already. Join a gym and/or workout class or group. Hire a Personal trainer. Take some time to do a deep cleaning of your bedroom and or home. Make sure you are  keeping up with a decent appetite and getting adequate sleep on a daily and weekly basis. Remember to set aside 1 day out the week to be your day to Rest and just focus on you. 

7) DON'T RUSH in to a New Romantic Relationship. This is why it's a  Good idea  to follow steps 1 through step 6. To be honest, I don't have access to the magical timeline on when will it be the perfect time for you to pursue a new romantic relationship. The timeline and healing process is different for everyone. But I Truly believe you will know and recognize when you are healed from the former relationship. If you find yourself entering the new relationship because you miss being with someone, you want to make your Ex jealous, or being alone makes you feel uncomfortable, these are All Good signs that you are Not Healed and Not Ready for new romantic relationship. 

I'm sure there are several more ways to help you grieve a former romantic relationship but this is a Good Start!  You will Get through this! I believe you have such a Beautiful and Bright future ahead of you! 

🌺Holy Bible, Psalms 73:26 (New Living Translation_NLT) "My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever."

Proverbs 4:23 (NLT) "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life."

(New King James Version_NKJV) "Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life."  (Source, Youversion Bible app) 

Feel free to comment below what was most helpful to you and or share any questions and concerns about this topic. Also, share with anyone you know that you believe may benefit from this blog. 

🌺Peace & Blessings.