"A Time for Closure" _December 2025 Therapy Newsletter
Hello Fam and Welcome to this beautiful month of December. Can you believe it?! The last month of 2025!!! We survived another year, through it all. The hills, the valleys, the good, bad, & ugly, the surety and uncertainty, the chaos and calm. Wow! I keep asking myself, "did all these things really happen this year?" I have always loved December throughout my life; Not necessarily because it's always been perfect, but it's a reminder of how Strong I am and how much I was able to accomplish. December also reminds me of the many tasks and responsibilities I may need to tighten up on and close out for the year. This also applies to You as well. You did it! You came through and you are still standing! It's been such a joy and pleasure witnessing how far you have come. During the month of December, I will like to use this time to reflect on the current year and begin praying and planning for the next year. During my November sabbatical I felt lead to share this theme, "A Time for Closure." Before you get concerned, I have no intentions on going anywhere. Business and Therapy will continue as usual, other than my December Holiday break coming up. Dates and important info will be shared towards the ending of this newsletter. Ms. Kim is still planning to counsel this month and for 2026, so no worries. What do I mean exactly about "Closure?" Well... I'm taking the stance to dive deeper into those areas in our lives that no longer serves us in a healthy way and being proactive to allow for an ending to take place with the unhealthy thinking and harmful behavioral patterns. Brace yourself, breath, take a break when needed, review and revisit this newsletter as many times as necessary. The expectation and goal is not to clear up, resolve every problem or conflict nor to have complete closure in all of these areas in one month; But the point is to make sure you have started the process of closure and holding yourself accountable, while allowing trusted supportive and safe people to hold you accountable. As well as actively making the necessary progress in your desired areas for closure.
According to the Merriam Webster Online Dictionary Closure means:
"an act of closing : the condition of being closed."
"an often comforting or satisfying sense of finality."
Close: "to deny access to. to suspend or stop the operations of. to bring to an end or period."
Finality: "the character or condition of being final, settled, irrevocable, or complete."
Final: "coming at the end : being the last in a series, process, or progress."
And you all know what's next... I have to share a passage that recently came back to my attention, from The Holy Bible, from the book Ecclesiastes Chapter 3, Verses_ 1-8 (KJV) & 11 (NKJV)
V.1 "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
V.2 A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted;
V.3 ... And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up;
V.4 A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance;
V.5 A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
V.6 A time to gain, And a time to lose; A time to keep, And a time to throw away;
V.7 A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;
V.8 A time to love, And a time to hate; A time of war, And a time of peace.
V.11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end."
I remember my last day on my November Cruise, I had a short and kind exchange with another cruiser on the elevator. I had mentioned to her and others in a sad sigh, "This is the last day." This particular lady responded, "Well you know all good things come to an end..." Then she proceeds to say, "I'm sure our stomachs can use the rest." I couldn't help but to laugh and agree. For all my cruisers you know exactly what this means.
This is not to say that we can't enjoy the great and incredible moments we have been blessed with, but this statement reminded me that "Life truly continues." Life is built for us to experience many seasons and stages, and they all serve a purpose. I remember a couple years ago a dear sweet friend I've known since Middle school, shared with me on one Saturday morning at our local farmer's market, "Well you know Kim, Life is just 1 big life lesson. We will always continue to learn." Even though I've always known this to be true, but I felt in that moment I gained another fresh perspective on life. So many of us try to live life in full control over everything in attempts to do it in perfection but in reality, we will never have full control over everything that we may experience and life will never be 100% perfect 24/7.
I'm sure at this moment you are trying to figure out what does this have anything to do with Closure. Well Fam, I believe we all at some point this year may have dealt with an unhealthy thinking pattern, self-defeating thought, and or actual harmful behaviors and habits. This is the time to recognize and be very honest with yourself on how this may have impacted your year and decide on if you want to continue or discontinue in these mindsets or behaviors. And then consider how you may need and want to move forward for 2026. It's time for many of us to say "good-bye" to the unhealthy patterns by learning, creating/forming new ways of thinking, healthy and effective replacement and learned behaviors. I absolutely recognize we are greatly impacted by our childhood/adolescent upbringing, young adult life experiences, education, traumas, jobs, family, friends, neighborhood, spiritual communities, and the list can continue. Even with all these factors shaping us into the people we are today I am a believer that 2 areas for sure we have control over will be our Thought/Thinking patterns and Behaviors. I will like to share/paraphrase for a moment my top "7 Self-Defeating Thought Patterns" that many people in our society struggle with. For some of you, this can be used as a great course review and to help practice your homework.
#1 Black & White Thinking/ All or Nothing: This is considered extreme thinking on 1 specific spectrum of thought and or behavior. This person allows no room or debate to hear or gain another perspective. This person struggles to see any possible gray area. Most scenarios in this person's life is depended only on their frame of thinking and leaves little or no space for grace and mercy. The quote that I associate with this thought is, "My way or the highway." We can learn and be reminded that most situations have more than 1 way of thinking or another way of responding or reacting. Another quote(s) comes to mind for this perspective is, "I've been born this way...I've always been this way... most of my family acts and thinks this way. " Just because an unhealthy thought, suppressed trauma, unresolved conflict, or unhealthy behavior/habit been going on for a long time doesn't equate to being "acceptable, respectful, and safe." This is why education is key with learning about self, our roots, background and the world around us. Remember fam, even though we are all responsible for our life and we are all very important, we must also recognize the world doesn't only involve and revolve around us. How can I start the closure in this area? Start with listening. Practice not shutting down a topic once a thought/perspective isn't yours. Don't be so quick to respond.
•James 1:19 (KJV) "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:"
(ICB) "My dear brothers, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily."
It's amazing how much we can learn by just taking a moment to listen outside of ourselves. Learn about your family history, as for thinking patterns, traditions, cultures and traumas. Start journaling why and how this form of thinking and behavior was created.
#2 Hopelessness & #3 Helplessness: "Consistently viewing situations as having no possible positive or even neutral resolution in the future (Jongsma, 2014)."
This type of thinking has lost sight of the beauty of life stages and because of the distressing and traumatic situation(s) taken place a person has loss hope in the present and or the future that their life can get any better. Eventually a person gives up with trying out other possible solutions that would improve their lifestyle/ or specific area of their life. The splendor of hope is when we give it time, and it may manifest into the desires we crave. Also, practicing hope allows the mind to expand to realize the additional possibilities in believing for greater. When a person is dealing with helplessness, they have given up with trying on their own and or asking or receiving help from others or resources because so many chances have landed them in failure for them or they have witnessed others fail in life or a specific area. There was a study done years ago reported by Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D that Helplessness can be known as a learned behavior and based in present learned behaviors and generational trauma (Learned Helplessness at Fifty: Insights from Neuroscience_National Library of Medicine) For example, if your parents, grandparents, friends, and environment lived/live in poverty a person may develop a mindset of poverty and believe that this is also their destiny which this person won't even try any possible solutions that may help increase and enhance their livelihood. How can I start the closure in this area? Start becoming honest in what you truly admire, hope to experience, and happen in your life regardless of the current reality and present circumstance(s). Learn to understand the triggers and origins of this thinking and behavior and Journal about both. Ask for help when you need it and when you don't need the help. Yes, ask for help even when you don't feel like you don't need the help. This helps to practice interacting and bonding with your supportive and safe people. Just because you can do it on your own doesn't mean you need to do it all the time and in every situation. And sometimes asking for help can be more entertaining and open more ways of learning about yourself and others. This is a great reminder that we are not meant to do life alone. Recommend ordering and start reading 2 books related to this topic, 'Authentic Happines' & 'Learned Optismism_How to change Your Mind and Your Life' by Dr. Martin E.P. Seligman
Amazon Book Authentic Happines
•Habakkuk 2:1-4 (KJV)
"[1] I will stand upon my watch, and set me upon the tower, and will watch to see what he will say unto me, and what I shall answer when I am reproved.
[2] And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it.
[3] For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.
[4] Behold, his soul which is lifted up is not upright in him: but the just shall live by his faith."
~"Each day, focus your attention on what you want. Each day, take one step that will bring you closer to it. ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! The key is to identify it, claim it for yourself, and believe that you are worthy to have it." ~ Iyanla Vanzant
#4 Worthlessness: This type of thinking believes they are inadequate, inferior, insignificant, undeserving, and valueless etc, concerning self, and with others, as for time, points of interest, acceptance and respect. "This leads to making self-critical remarks in anticipation of rejection (or abandonment) from others (even self) (Jongsma, 2014)." Unfortunately, this type of thinking results in behaviors or negative self-talk and expression of self. This person may have a challenging time appreciating and sharing their positive abilities, good qualities, gifts and talents with others. This person may find solace in isolation and withdrawal from environments and activities that will help showcase the great person they truly are. How can I start the closure in this area? Follow the above steps given in #1-3, in addition to journaling your good qualities. You can do this with yourself and allow your supportive and safe people help with sharing their perspectives about you. It's amazing how other people see the good qualities in us and recognize the accomplishments we have achieved more than we give ourselves credit for. Speak kind and loving words to self. Practice gentleness to yourself, by giving your mental and physical body what it needs. For an example, creating a daily practice of good quality and quantity of sleep and eating balance meals throughout the day because you need it to function not because it's a reward.
• 1Peter 2:9-10 (NKJV)
"[9] But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;
[10] who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy."
~"Agape doesn't love somebody because they're worthy. Agape makes them worthy by the strength and power of its love. Agape doesn't love somebody because they're beautiful. Agape loves in such a way that it makes them beautiful." ~ Rob Bell
#5 Catastrophizing: " Blowing expected consequences out of proportion in a very negative direction. This results in withdrawal of effort to change things for the better and reacting to a situation as if the negative consequence has already happened (Jongsma, 2014)." #6 Negative Forecasting: "Predicting events will turn out badly without any basis in reality. This type of thinking results in pessimism, depression, and withdrawal of effort (Jongsma, 2014)." How can I start the closure in these areas? Start with journaling out all the facts based on actual evidence and take note of all possible outcomes of the scenarios. The "True & False statement journal activity" is great for this. If you are not familiar with this and you would like to try it, let me know and I can guide you through the process. Also, take note of your role and responsibilities in these scenarios and your controllables. Allowing yourself to learn to live and enjoy the present moment(s). Meditation is a great activity for this.
~"He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still." ~ Laozi
~"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." ~ Alice Walker
#7 The Defeated Perfectionist: This thinking believes everything has to be perfect 24/7 and anything short of that is never enough. This person has setup unrealistic, unreasonable, unattainable and sometimes impossible standards and goals that may never be reached, and they have attached their self-worth to this. This unfortunately, makes a person believe and feel they are a failure and thinks others will reject them because of this. This person struggles heavily on self-doubt, unsurety and uncertainty of life in general or specific areas of life. This person battles with discouragement when their narrative in life or specific area doesn't occur in the way they have hoped, planned and or envision. This person deals with the agony of their world crashing down or believe the sky is falling. This person has difficulty with processing that life can still be good, and they are great people even though they have made errors, flaws and mistakes. This defeating thought operates as if the person is a robot/AI or mechanical figure without taking the time to address their human needs aside from their goals. This person debates with self concerning acceptance of reality and closure that at the beginning and the present that they are human like everyone else and humans will never get it right all the time. This person has no problem extending grace and mercy for others but it feels unreal and unbelievable to share the same grace and mercy for self. This person doesn't feel comfortable with celebrating oneself either when its expected or not expected. How can I start the closure in this area? Start with purchasing and reading the book "When Your Best Isn't Good Enough"~Breaking free from PERFECTIONISM~ By Dr. Kevin Leman. Amazon Book Link
Practice active reading with taking your time, underlining and highlighting relevant points for you and journaling and answering questions shared from this book. Start celebrating your accomplishments. Figuring out ways and deciding on healthy forms of celebration daily or weekly basis by searching, through therapy and with supportive and safe people. The more you do this, it may create the possibility of becoming comfortable and easier to celebrate. Utilize relevant suggestions given from #1-6.
"It is important for anyone who feels as if he can't measure up to get at the roots of the matter---to examine his life-style and discover how and why this continuous cycle of "unworthiness" got started. Once that is understood, the next step is to realize that life patterns can be changed, and that new, constructive attitudes and actions can be changed, and that new constructive attitudes and actions can be put in place of the old." (Leman, 2019).
***As we are closing up on this thought on "A Time for Closure" for your overall well-being, I need to make sure I'm clearly addressing very serious issues on what this theme "Does Not Mean." This is my Disclaimer for you to not misinterpret the information shared above that goes directly against Clinical Mental Health Support and your overall Holistic health.
Suicidal ideation/plan/attempt(s) IS NOT A HEALTHY FORM OF CLOSURE.
Homicidal ideation/plan/attempt(s) IS NOT A HEALTHY FORM OF CLOSURE.
"Crashing Out" Or "Snapping" on a romantic partner, children, parents, siblings (etc. family) friends, work (supervisors, boss, & colleagues) and community etc. IS NOT A HEALTHY FORM OF CLOSURE.
Any form of Abuse (mental, emotional-verbal/manipulation, physical, sexual, spiritual, financial, legal, work, etc. IS NOT A HEALTHY FORM OF CLOSURE.
If at any time you are experiencing the above disclaimer thoughts and behaviors when I am unavailable ( I am not available 24/7 nor on-call outside of normal therapy hours) please refer to your Safety Plan with self and your emergency contact (safe and trusted person). Call #988 Immediately. Call your local Mental Health Emergency hotline. If you have insurance, there may be an emergency behavioral health hotline phone# to call. Call #911. Visit your local hospital and request a mental health assessment for these above areas.
Please take note this December Newsletter, former and future Newsletters IS NOT A THERAPY SESSION, NOR DOES IT REPLACE BEING CONSISTENT WITH THERAPY PER SCHEDULE AGGREEMENT NOR DOES IT REPLACE YOUR THERAPIST. If you are currently not in therapy and you recognize having difficulty in any area shared above in this newsletter, I highly encourage you to make the effort to start the process with contacting a therapist, scheduling a consultation and your initial session very soon, preferably this month. I will be more than glad to connect you with a therapist that's currently accepting new clients. I will be available for new clients starting Monday, January 5, 2026. It's important to know I do not believe in nor have a waitlist for therapy. ***
December Important Dates & Reminders
• Available for normal schedule sessions from Monday December 8th to Wednesday, December 10th 2025.
· Unavailable from Thursday, December 11th to Monday, December 15th. I will not have access to my therapy phone and laptop devices nor internet access. Please refer to emergency support contacts shared above. (Dr. Cheyenne James will be unavailable for these dates).
For the above dates, these are the counseling contacts that you are encouraged to contact when necessary, during the hours from 10:00am to 8:00pm during the week of my absence. Please understand that these counselors also have their own normal counseling sessions and other responsibilities during these weeks. These counselors are aware of my absence and were so kind and thoughtful to help with support during these weeks. I am truly appreciative and thankful for these trusted therapists.
1) Mr. Jeremy S. Poling, LPC (specialize in anxiety, depression, couples & family counseling). Phone: (540) 830-1777. Email: polingtherapy@gmail.com & jeremypoling@me.com
2) Ms. Jakeil Gilchrist, LPC (specialize in anxiety, grief, family counseling, & self-confidence). Phone: (757) 738-7542. Email: healingshipts@gmail.com
3) Mrs. Miranda Brown, LCSW (specialize in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy_DBT, suicidal ideation/self-harming behaviors, trauma & couples counseling). Phone: (757) 271-9030
· Available for normal schedule sessions on Tuesday, December 16th and Wednesday, December 17th. Thursday, December 18th I will be available for sessions upon request only.
· Unavailable for Christmas and New Year's Week! Friday, December 19th to Sunday, January 04th 2026. I will have access to my therapy phone, laptop device and internet for Emergency reasons only.
*Please make an effort to attend at least 1 session for the month of December to keep your account/case active. Remember as part of our counseling agreement, counseling standards of practice and ethics we will need to meet at least once monthly. We understand the schedule is slightly different this season and that we are in holiday and vacation mode but it's still important for all of us to be intentional with scheduling and attending sessions. Remember fam, Communication is key and the expectation. Life & emergencies will happen at some point, so please let me know asap. This goes for me as well. I will continue to do my very best to notify you asap if there's a crisis/emergency situation I have to take care of. And I want to say Thank you for your grace, mercy and understanding when I experience my humanity when I may need to cancel or reschedule a session or meeting.
· Available for normal schedule sessions starting back on Monday, January 05, 2026!
~Mondays & Tuesdays: 10am - 8pm
~Wednesdays: 10am-6pm.
~Thursdays: Administrative Day! Unavailable for sessions.
~Fridays & Saturdays: Rest Days. Unavailable for sessions.
~Sundays: Spiritual health day. Unavailable for sessions.
*January 5th will also be the date I will be available for New Clients.
I pray and hope everyone will have a wonderful December. Be Safe this month and Enjoy!
Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!
🎶December Music Playlist 🎶
1_ Hallelujah in The Hard Things _Bryan & Katie Torwalt
2_Goodbye Yesterday _Elevation Rhythm & Gracie Binion
4_God Made a Way_WHATUPRG X MASS CHOIR
7_We Gon' Be Alright_Tye Tribbet
8_Never Folded_Tiffany Nacol AI
10_ When I can't see the future _Baruch Edwards AI
14_ No Longer bound_Free_ Forrest Frank & Chandler Moore
15_ Movin On _ Jonathan Reynolds & Mali Music
References:
CLOSE Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster
CLOSURE Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster
Ecclesiastes 3 KJV - To every thing there is a season, and a - Bible Gateway
Ecclesiastes 3 NKJV - Everything Has Its Time - To everything - Bible Gateway
FINALITY Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster
Jongsma, A. E. (2014). Section 7/ JOURNAL AND REPLACE SELF-DEFEATING THOUGHTS. In Adult Psychotherapy HOMEWORK PLANNER (Fifth, pp. 70–72). essay, John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
Leman, K. (2019). When your best isn’t good enough: Breaking free from perfectionism. Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.
TOP 25 POWER AND CONTROL QUOTES (of 83) | A-Z Quotes
TOP 25 WORTHY QUOTES (of 1000) | A-Z Quotes
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